Oh sweet baby Jameson. You are 10 months old now and just bursting with personality. You smile so big and because we’ve met so many of mama’s old friends this month, between the hospital and Uncle Bri’s funeral, you’ve really had the chance to charm everyone. And OH do you charm them. I know I’m biased but every person who meets you falls in love with you; I know because they tell me so. It is very much the same as your sister was and I am not surprised because you have her big blue eyes and beautiful engaging smile. You can be shy or a little crabby when you are tired but if you have the chance to be entertained you will perk up and smile so people will coo and fawn over you. Attention lover, it is true. You have been intensely healing for all of us that have been feeling hurt and sadness. It doesn’t take away the pain completely, but you remind us of the pure joy of life, the happiness of living.
An angel again, a real one.
This month you have decided that you love food, and will put anything and everything into your mouth. How dare mama and daddy have popcorn at a movie (yes you come with us) and not share! When we refuse you absolutely throw a tantrum, banging your hands on the table, or my chest and face and yelling loudly, followed by screeching and possibly some tears. Once we start laughing at you the tantrum ends and you smile, very pleased that you have gotten such a delightful reaction. Foods you love are avocado, any kind of fish, breads and rolls, graham crackers, pears, watermelon, cantaloupe, blueberries, raspberries, hummus, broccoli, chicken, beef…..well, there isn’t anything you won’t eat if we’ve offered it but those are the foods I give most often. Eating from a spoon that mama handles is not okay with you but I will put something sticky, like hummus or oatmeal, on a spoon and let you feed yourself and you love that. You still nurse most often and when I ask if you want nursies you will crawl like mad to get to my arms.
Most notably this month you started standing on your own for long periods of time and just during the last week of this month you started taking steps. First just one or two at a time but now you are taking several steps across the room. You even lose your balance, crouch down, then stand back up again to walk some more. Still you are just a baby and lose your balance easily. I ache to watch you growing so, anticipating the day you will walk right out of my arms and off into the big world, but it gives me happiness to see you so pleased with your new freedoms that I encourage and cheer you on.
Your big sister is without a doubt the light in your life, she adores you and you adore her. The love that you two share is magnificent, it is everything a mama could hope for her babies. I watch your relationship bloom more as the weeks pass and I feel so lucky that you have each other. This month your daddy’s brother died and I try to imagine how dark it must feel when you lose your brother and best friend. It makes me want to protect you and Madeleine, to keep you safe, together, and happy, forever. I wish I could have done that for Uncle Bri too, but I know that I could not for him and I can not for you. I can only hope that long after your daddy and I have gone your sister will be there beside you, your family and best friend. I know daddy will fill your life with stories of how much he loved his brother and you both can learn from him the importance of sharing a relationship like that. There will be difficult times, you will pull her hair (you already do, but she forgives you easily), she will refuse to let you play with her friends, you will hate to share or want to play different things, but at the end of your life I hope that you will have spent more time loving each other, lifting each other up, then you did being annoyed & fighting with one another.
At the end of every day I crawl in bed, and keep you there curled up next to me. You sleep soundly when your body is tucked next to mine, warm and safe. I don’t stress and worry the way I did with Madeleine, I feel confident in your ability to grow and learn at your own pace. I know one day you will feel comfortable in your own space while you sleep, perhaps you will curl up next to your sister instead of me, and we will all sleep for longer hours. But today, you sleep with me and I love it. Daddy does too sometimes, maybe more so when you sleep late and wake up with kisses for him, babbling “dadadadadada” while you crawl over his body in an attempt to get out of our bed.
Life with you is beautiful. It is a little insane at times with your intense energy and ability to crawl faster than lightning, but mostly it is beautiful. I find so much happiness with you, so much beauty in your discoveries, so much joy in holding and mothering you. Thank you thank you thank you for being with us. I love you my sweet son.
And because he is adorable, here is the first video of him walking. Mostly he crawls, but he will be walking full time in a week or so I’d say.